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I am very happy to have
participated in the Chit Lake Program held at
Narasingapuram, Tirupati in the month of November.
Once the program
commenced, I felt very determined to ignore all the
thoughts that come and try to stay on the thought of
divine light in my heart. For the first one hour, I
was able to successfully do it. After that, there
was blankness and the mind did not get any inputs. I
felt happy that I was able to succeed very soon and
that I can enjoy the silence for the 3 days. But on
the contrary, the mind chatter again started.
Whatever I see, the mind was trying to form some
chain of thoughts all the time. This behavior of my
mind really tested my patience. For the whole of the
first day, I was patiently putting up with the
chatter of the mind. Towards the end of the day, I
was little obsessed with my mind that I am not able
to feel the silence. Later I realized that the real
purpose of chit lake program is not just to feel the
silence but to know what is there inside us so that
we can get rid of them.
Some of the hindrances
that I felt I need to get rid of are given below.
1.
Many times, I
felt obsessed with the idea of ego. Then a thought
triggered to me that instead of thinking about how
to get rid of the idea of self, I need to carry the
thought of the Master in all my actions and slowly
the idea of self will automatically vanish.
2.
During this
program, there were many superfluous thoughts as
well and when tried to go deep into them, I felt
that I attach myself too much to even petty things.
I also felt I need to revisit my purification
process.
3.
I felt myself
comparing with others, not specific to Sadhana, but
in many other matters. The idea of comparison comes
because either I felt superior or inferior to others
which is incorrect. A thought triggered to me that
it is the individual network that I created which
was giving inputs to compare. Once this individual
network is shattered, then I will be able to see
only divine in others and there is no question of
comparison. I also felt this is the play of the mind
and only when we give divine inputs, whatever we do
will be in tune with the divine. I was also reminded
of the Masters thought that "When we breed divine
thoughts, the mind will grasp it because that is the
real nature of the mind". There was a strong feeling
in me that I have got to follow these instructions
if I have to mould myself.
4.
I felt that I
should not hurt anyone's feelings and that I should
give proper respect to elders. There were times when
I used to get into arguments. When I tried to go
deeper into this problem, I felt that I may be at
fault and so I need to repent for the same during
the bed time prayer. Even I think the other person
is wrong, I should only pray for him and not get
into unnecessary arguments that disturb the harmony.
I sincerely felt that this was very essential to
bring moderation in speech.
5.
I also felt the
need to revisit all my meditational practices and my
posture and be more sincere in my Sadhana.
There were few dreams
about my office colleagues with whom I was more
attached.
Towards the end of the
program, I felt lightness and happiness vividly.
Felt Reverence for Rev. KCN sir.
I am grateful to Rev.
Sir, Imperience, Sister Bhargavi Reddy and Dr.
Rajasekar Reddy for my participation in this
program. I am confident I will be able to overcome
the difficulties that I felt in my Sadhana during
the program.
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