Reached Mansarovar on 10 th Jan. The feeling that day was “freed, happy and joyful”. Some unknown happiness from within observed.
It was a day of mixed feelings of the following nature and content:
- Restless – not sure what to do (not in terms of procedure at Mansarovar Program), but in terms of I have been busy and restless all these days and when put into a restful state, this restful state is making me restless. Feeling of some uneasiness - I want to do something.
- Fear of snakes and poisonous insects. Do not want to go under trees.
- Neither able to sit idle nor able to get oriented towards the Master.
By the end of the day natural changes observed were:
- Fear is gone. Some love for nature and its simplicity.
- Thinking of the word oneness(“Thadathmyamu” – telugu word) with Nature.
- Some what got adjusted to my restlessness.
It was a better day in terms of:
- Restlessness of one type is gone and other type started. The previous restlessness of inability to be either idle or orientation towards the Master is gone, now the restlessness is due to the nature and content of the thoughts that are coming to me in silence. Thoughts of all the significant good and bad right from my childhood have been coming out. As the goal was to maintain silence (both internally and externally) it was like irritating experience with all these thoughts coming out. Sometimes it was difficult to accept what I have done.
- Most of the effortful time spent was on cleaning except during the times of other meditational methods. Bed time prayer was sincere to some extent. Some decisions taken in personal life with greed were repented upon and decision taken to do corrective action. Feeling that everything in nature as long as is simple it is can be happy and free.
During morning meditation also the thoughts on the self, materliasm, and thoughts on the restlessness that I have been facing. Went to Dr.Subba Rao garu and discussed with him. He told me that it is normal to feel that way and asked me to let him know my condition around 12:00 noon. By that time I was really happy, able to meditate normally and naturally. Though it was not a sitting I felt he attended on me.
From the afternoon it has been a very peaceful and realizing experience all through. I feel to some extent I should be able to practice this “Contemplating in silence” even at home.
For people like me who are restlessly busy in their office work (especially software professionals) I feel this kind of program is immensely beneficial as it makes them understand there is nature outside which is so simple and is living without any frustrations and yet not being idle.
Morning: Very peaceful and balanced. Felt nearly thoughtless condition
Noon: calm and serene
Evening: very light
Satsang: Peaceful absorbed.
Night: did meditation in moonlight. No specific things observed. But the state of peace was continuing.
Morning: Nearly thoughtless and absorbed.
Noon: slightly absorbed.
Evening satsang: Peaceful.
Though for the first two days I wondered if I did a mistake in opting for this and thought may be it is only for those who are already oriented towards the Master all through and can live in silence, I now feel it is for those that want to be there too but are unable due to daily busy life.
I am sure I’ll be missing all these when I go back home, but I feel the contemplation part of it learnt here is worth the visit. Analyzing the thoughts that come and getting irritated with them, repenting for them and strongly deciding not to repeat for those thoughts could have taken a long time if I did not attend this visit.
I definitely want to attend the next Mansarovar program as I feel I am immensely benefited and feel very happy with the outcome of this.
Arrangements have been very good in all aspects, food, sleep, meditation all were comfortable and simple. Hot water for bath and mineral water for drinking and fruits for eating kept our health in good condition.
I am very thankful to Imperience for conducting these programs and for letting me attend one of these.